he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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