Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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