He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
