I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
