I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
