I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
