We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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