Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
