DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
