I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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