I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
did i just pee glitter
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
