I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
