so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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