You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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