and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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