I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
