i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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