do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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