My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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