Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
