The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
