who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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