I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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