You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
