im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I puked a lego.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
MIDGETS
????
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
