i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
