You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
