i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
