I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
