Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
