U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
