A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
