And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
