I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
