i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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