I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
