Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My vagina is very pro this idea
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
