I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
