saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
