i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
