why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
