How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
