ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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