The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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