May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
