and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
