I'd wear matching sweaters with you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
