dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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