I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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