We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
