the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
