Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
