Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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