do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
