fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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