I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
