we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
