***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do vagina's smell?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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